REVISED SCRIPT

HALLOWEEN HOWL 2008

CAST:
Stephen- Dean Bareham
Stephanie- Jamie Tognizzini
Dr. Frankenfoul- Doug Mckeag
Igor- Lisa Jones
Baby- T.J. Collard
Narrator Nurses- Jamie Konchak, Susan Faulkner, Jennie Esdale
Band- David Rhymer, Dylan MacLeod, Danielle French, Vi An, Vlad Sobolewski, Derek Paulich
Freaks- Carisa Hendrix, Keith Murray, Stacy Clark
Projectionist- Julia Burns

Revised Script October 2008

Written and Directed by Jennie Esdale
Composed by Susan Faulkner with David Rhymer
Additional score composed by the band
Puppets and Stage by Dean Bareham and Bill Beauregarde with Jamie Tognizzini
Hair and Makeup by Keith Murray and Deneen McArthur

Music will play throughout. Narrators will wear nurse costumes. Band will wear lad coats, doctors, nurses, candystriper and scientist garb.

Bagpiper begins outside and travels through the space, leading people to the performance area. Doctors/ Nurses/ Mad Scientists/ Candystripers herd folks to the performance area.

The band begins to play.

NARRATORS:
Ladies and Gentlemen, large and small, hear ye, here ye one and all.
Tonight you will hear a tale we swear to be true and could most certainly happen to you!
Pay attention as our story unfolds, one stranger than most ever told.
It is the tale of a freak of gargantuan size, her conception, creation and near demise.

Meet Stephan and Stephanie

Suburbia projection in

STEPHAN & STEPHANIE:
Everything
We have everything
What we need is nothing to complete this picture

Everything
We have everything
What we need is nothing to complete this picture

A picture
The perfect picture
A good job a pension
A cushion for recession

Everything
We have everything
What we need is nothing to complete this picture

NARRATORS:
Stephen and Stephanie are the perfect Calgary Suburbanites! Both have sensible jobs and sensible shoes, they own a new manufactured home, in each room a plasma screen. Two cars to get around, hers the safest on the market, his, the sportiest,

STEPHAN & STEPHANIE:
We have a perfect dog
And we have a perfect god
He the perfect spouse
We the perfect house

Everything
We have everything
What we need is nothing to complete this picture

NARRATORS:
They have a diversified portfolio, plans to retire in an RV, Wii on the weekends, golf after work, church once a year and loads of other enviable things.

STEPHAN & STEPHANIE:
Everything
We have everything
What we need is nothing to complete this picture

Everything
We have everything
What we need is nothing to complete this picture

We have a dog
We have a cat
We feed them every day
We couldn’t afford a hummer
But we bought one anyway

We live upon the Prairie Hills
The sun shines we make hay
But still one thing alludes us
We want it more each day

Suburbia projection out

A baby
A baby
A legacy guarantee
A baby
A baby
An image of you and me

NARRATORS:
A baby they set out to make.
A schedule was drawn up and followed in due course.

Stephan & Stephanie shadow puppet show

Starting slowly and carefully.
Strictly missionary! In the dark!
BUT. Try try as they might. The two could not a baby make. Eek! Time for drastic measures. Out came the thermometers, whips, chains, leather, potions, lotions,
creams, anything and everything. Stimulate stimulate. Nothing doing. It wasn’t a question of impotence, nessecaire. Mais non... best not to take the chance. Keep it up up up! And in in in!

Exhausted by a constant stream of ejaculate, our dear couple determined: their chemistry did not mix. One of them was a traitor- he with blanks, she unviable hen. Turning on each other only released their rage and sorrow fleetingly.
A divorce could pend but one last chance.

STEPANIE & STEPHAN: Come on! There must be a way to acquire dividends without such massive expenditure. Can’t we just buy our love?

Enter Frankenfoul and Igor with contract

DR. FRANKENFOUL: Indeed you can! Just sign there there there there and there and there.

STEPANIE & STEPHAN:
Fertility treatments!

NARRATOR:
And like a baby Jesus Christmas miracle, Dr. Frankenfoul with his assistant Igor was there

Fetus Projection In

DR. FRANKENFOUL/ ALL:
Who can make a baby
To suckle at your breast
Who can make a youngster
To fill your family nest?

Dr. Frankenfoul can
Dr. Frankenfoul can

I can make your baby
Leave it all to me
I can make your baby
And that’s a guarantee

Dr. Frankenfoul can
Dr. Frankenfoul can

Frankenfoul’s a hero
Making one from zero
He can make your baby
That’s a guarantee

Dr. Frankenfoul can
Dr. Frankenfoul can

Who can make a baby
To suckle at your breast
Who can make a youngster
To fill your family nest?

Dr. Frankenfoul can
Dr. Frankenfoul can

I hear your pain
I know your sorrow
But follow me
A baby you’ll have before tomorrow

DR. FRANKENFOUL:
I’ll get to work immediately!

Fetus Projection Out

Frankenfoul and Igor shadow puppet show. Stephanie and Stephen frantically discuss

STEPANIE & STEPHAN: But who is he?? Shouldn’t we research him to make sure this will work? To make sure this is safe?
He said we could have a baby today. TODAY!!!
Ok ok but lets at least google!

NARRATORS:
And google they did.

Google Projection In

But what they discovered did not put to rest any misgiving they might have suppressed. Upon a google search they discovered: Dr. Frankenfoul, fertility expert, world renowned baby… creator? And… experimental scientist.

STEPANIE & STEPHAN: Experimental?!

Google Projection Out

NARRATORS:
Dr. Frankenfoul ‘experimental mad scientist. Don’t get involved! Mad man! Charleton!!! Run for your life!!!!”

DR. FRANKENFOUL:
Nothing to fear, nothing to fret, a baby you want? A baby youll get! Relax! Lie back! Its just a little prick. We’ll have those eggs out in a jiff! A sample from you sir, not of your wiz, but fill this little cup full of your jizz!

Frankenfoul and Igor begin the procedure on Stephanie. Stephan is given a cup he is to fill with ejaculate. He heads into the crowd

NARRATORS:
Stephan noticed several bottles and containers of mysterious contents. Formaldehyde filled receptacles, bits and bobs of fleshy parts, boney, fins, freaky figures, in one he sworn something blinked and winked right at him!!!!

STEPHEN:
Dr. Frankenfoul!!!!! What is all this??!!

DR. FRANKENFOUL:
Nevermind, nevermind just some other projects on the go. Don’t you worry, these things never mix or interfere with the important work of baby making we are doing here. - Hows that sperm coming? Any luck landing it in that little cup?

STEPHEN:
Erm. Complete!

DR. FRANKENFOUL:
Excellent! We’ll have a baby in no time at all!!

Frankenfoul continues to work away.

Sperm Projection In

ALL:
Who can make baby
To suckle at your breast
Who can make a youngster
To fill your family nest

Dr. Frankenfoul can
Dr. Frankenfoul can

NARRATORS:
And so a freshly formed zygote was tucked snuggly into Stephanie’s yearning womb, in which it grew and grew. AND grew and grew and grew and GREW AND GREW!

Sperm Projection Out

And just as quickly as the pregnancy came on, the labour had begun! The whole ordeal mad indeed- but nevermind, nevermind! Here baby comes!

ALL:
Push push push push push push push!

Who can make baby
To suckle at your breast
Who can make a youngster
To fill your family nest
Dr. Frankenfoul can
Dr. Frankenfoul can

Frankenfoul’s a hero
Making one from zero
He can make your baby
That’s a guarantee

Giant puppet is birthed. Silence. Tinkle tinkle. Slap.

NARRATORS (as Baby):
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

ALL:
Shhh! Shhh baby!

NARRATORS (as Baby):
Giggle giggle gurgle gurgle.

DR. FRANKENFOUL:
Isn’t she beautiful!

STEPHANIE
She’s a freak!!!!

STEPHEN:
Yeah! She’s a freak!!!!

DR. FRANKENFOUL:
Oh course she is! And aren’t we all!
You too Steph and Steve-o! Deep down I bet youre freaky too!

Take a look around you at this wonderful place and see how special you all are!

This. Is ACAD: the Academy for the Creation and Advancement of Deviants. Institute full of freaks.

Here is an institution packed to the rafters, bursting with freaks of all varieties: demented, delusional, distorted, delightful FREAKS of all sorts!

Freaks start to move into place

NARRATORS:
We need everybody here
We need everybody here
We need every voice screaming loud and clear

Freaks step onto tables

We’re here, we’re here
We’re here

Ladies and Gentlemen.

Dame Blockhead

Carisa flourishes and hammers a nail into her head

I’m falling, falling for you
I’m falling for you
I see your beauty and it reminds me of mine

I’m falling, falling for you
I’m falling for you
I see your beauty and it reminds me of mine

Hermaphroditee

Keith flourishes and does a dance

We’re here, we’re here
We’re here

We’re here, we’re here
We’re here

We’re here, we’re here
We’re here

We’re here, we’re here
We’re here

The Bearded Contessa.

Stacy presents herself and swings gently

We’re thrashing, bashing through the sky
A tiny light’s all you need to guide
So it shines, so it shines!

STEPHANIE:
Baby youre beautiful
I love you just the way you are
I don’t care if you never ride a bike or drive a car
Youre mine Youre mine
And that’s true

STEPHEN & STEPHANIE:
Youre mine Youre mine
And that’s true

Dr. Frankenfoul makes his way through the crowd

Stephanie and Stephen disrobe and dance

DR. FRANKENFOUL/ ALL:
You’ve got your father’s eyes
You can try but you can’t disguise
He’s a part of you
Of who you are and what you do

And Oh you’ve got your mother’s smile
Just one flash and it’s all worthwhile
She’s a part of you
Of who you are and what you do

Oh we see the light in you
You just made our dreams come true
Oh we se the light!
Oh we see the light in you!

Dr. Frankenfoul exits

Instrumental with Bagpipes

Stacy performs acro routine and finishes

ALL:
I’m falling, falling for you
I’m falling for you
I see your beauty and it reminds me of mine

The song continues. Stephanie and Stephen hold hands and exit through the crowd. Igor holds hands with Baby and leads her through the crowd

We’re here, we’re here
We’re here

We’re here, we’re here
We’re here

We need everybody here
We need everybody here
We need every voice screaming loud and clear

REPEAT as needed

Stephen & Stephanie, baby and Igor make it to the stairs on the other side of the audience. Song finishes.

NARRATORS:
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

Bow. Exit.

DRINK.